it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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