So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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