I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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