As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
