The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
