Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
