omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
