I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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