Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
