Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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