the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
