I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm always down for nudity.
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