I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
