dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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