Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
