Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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