seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
