Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
