Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
