we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
