I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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