And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
