I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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