I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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