Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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