he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
