idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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