He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
