I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
In America we eat man semen.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
