you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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