Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
