the condom got lost in my hair
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
