Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
