Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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