I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
