I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
