Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize