my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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