Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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