Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
