sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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