They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
