Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
