So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Let's get the cat blown out
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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