i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
