One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
