im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
