I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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