This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the liver wants what the liver wants
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I deserve this hangover.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
