I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
