Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
