My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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