I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
