sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
