Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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