hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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