Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
