I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
