I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
