Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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