Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I cannot find my penis.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
