was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
