I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im part way to drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
