his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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