Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
