Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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