Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize