haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
