operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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